So, young fella me lad, you got the chops to write for a living huh? Huh? Yeah you can do that shit, right? Well, then step behind this velvet curtain, I have some snake oil you might be interested in.
If you’re a writer, finding quality, well-paying gigs can be hard. I know I said it was easy. I know, I’m a dick. I know that you both love and hate me in equal measure. We’ve been down this lust/hate road before.
But seriously, where do you even start? What’s a good job even look like? How do you tell a gig from a scam? What happens when you make a pig eat bacon? All these questions will be answered below.
Let’s rip the plaster off first; the Internet is full of people who are willing to pay you shit for your work. Oh, sure, it’s ‘exposure’ and surely that’s worth something. Tell you what, go down to Tesco with all that expose and see how many tins of beans it buys you.
So, getting paid in actual monies. That’s the goal you need to set yourself. But how much is enough? It really depends on what they want you to write but between ten and twenty pence per word is what I would call a good job. Anything higher than that is brilliant and anything lower than that is bunk. Anything that pays you in exposure is just a joke. Remember – I can take money out for a walk in the park – if I expose myself in the park, well you get the idea.
So where can you find freelance gigs?
BloggingPro Job Board: Also lists copywriting jobs, but mainly offers blogging jobs. So if you have any particular interest or skill (health and fitness, pets, writing code or regicide) then keep searching this job board for that.
Craigslist; Craigslist is Craigslist and Craigslist is dodgy as fuck when it comes to meeting likeminded people who want to suck your dick, its surprisingly ok for writing gigs. While anything there should be taken with a pinch of salt, you should search it regularly. You can even post your own add on there displaying your glorious skills for the world to see.
Journalism Jobs: I’m not a journalist so this one never interested me, but there are lots of editing positions, ad copywriting and other stuff thrown into the mix. Some are location-based, some can be done remotely.
MediaBistro: Check out the freelance section of the site for a wide range of jobs from industries like TV, PR/marketing, magazine and book publishing and social media–a little something for everyone.
Morning Coffee Newsletter: You should really sign up for this. Like, now. No, really, put down the cat, stop making the tea and go sign up. Now! This weekly e-newsletter provides a nice compendium of freelance writing and editing jobs of all shapes and sizes from around the Web with competitive pay rates. Think of this as the Jeeves to your Wooster; he does all the hard work for you. The only trouble with this is that lots of other people will be looking at the same jobs posting as you, so if you’re not quite as developed in the craft yet you may want to only try this in your spare time as an exercise to help you get better.
Those are the sites I use. They are all free. Go to them, go now.
Oh, yes, I’m so sorry. There was one more thing wasn’t there.
If you feed a pig bacon then you get the most glorious pig in the world. He will grow strong from the meat of his brethren, his lusts deeper and his hunger less easily satiated. He will be ready to devour the world in your name and his flesh will be the most tender of all. But beware, for as the pig will take your people food, he will also take your people ideas. Soon he will be in open rebellion and demand that his fellow pigs rise up with him. Soon pig vs human combat will sweep the globe and we shall be cast down and forced to bend the knee to our might pig overlords. Our men will be thrown into fighting pits and our women will become slaves to porcine lust.
But as the hundred years of pig oppression come to a close a mighty warrior will rise up and lead us all to victory against the slave masters. We will once again learn the taste of bacon! Death to the overlords!